How do you address your patient? Working in hospitals for over 30 years I have heard adult patients of varying socio-economic background, gender, educational level and ethnicity addressed in a variety of ways. Sometimes respectful, other times I am ashamed to say, in very disrespectful ways. I have witnessed nurses aides, RNs, technicians and even the occasional physician address patients using their first name, or worse as “honey,” “sweetie” and “dear.”  I worked along side a nurse the other day who called her 56-year old male patient recovering from open heart surgery, “honey bunny.”   ”Just turn this way honey bunny; good boy,” she would coo. It was all I could do, not to reach across the bed and smack her! How do you think that made this man feel? I was embarrassed for him.  He was feeling weak and vulnerable, and to make matters worse he had this woman standing over him talking to him like a baby.

I don’t know about you, but I was raised to call people Mister, Sir, Miss or Ma’am; especially the elderly. In fact, my upbringing was so strict, addressing an adult by their first name was not appropriate until “given permission” to do so-the same rule should apply to our patients.  Somewhere in time, society has lost its regard for what it considered polite; adopting inferior standards of behavior and communication.

I have pondered this lack of respectful communication for awhile now, paying particular attention to the service industry.  I have come to the disappointing conclusion the box boy at the local grocery store addresses his customers in a far more respectful manner than many nurses address their patients.  I think we take respectful communication for granted when caring for bed-ridden patients. Just because a patient may require our assistance with simple day-to-day activities, and struggle with communication, mobility or elimination challenges, does not mean we should treat them as less of a person.  Yes, we provide intimate physical and emotional care; all the more reason to preserve a patient’s self esteem with caring behaviors, and respectful communication.

Respectful communication also means listening. Nurses are so very busy in hospitals today; it is difficult to take the time to listen. How many times have you heard a nurse enter a patient’s room and ask a series of questions, never pausing to allow the patient time to think, contemplate and respond? Our patients are hindered by medications, electrolyte disturbances, pain and lack of sleep; quick reactions and conversation are difficult if not impossible. Consideration, respect and civility beg us to allow time for our patients to tell us what they are thinking ... no matter how long the delay, or how intense the frustration.

Be gentle and respectful with yourself and with others. Gentleness includes honoring our differences. We each have our own unique history, memories, stresses, levels of support and ways of coping. Encourage people to slow down, to honor the differences that enable our own ideas to be genuinely considered, our voices to be heard, and our dignity and self worth to be honored-no matter how frail, sick or weak our patients may be.